Marjorie's Hypocrisy

This is the second time I'm writing this. I wrote one account and as I was proof-reading it we lost power. Its so awful to see something that was hard to write and with which I was pleased to vanish. Of course, I imagine that my neighbors cooking Thanksgiving dinner weren't too pleased to lose their power either.

I put a teaser for this post in a comment a while back and feel its time to put up and shut up. This post isn't as exciting as it might seem. My hypocrisy is that I've been spiritually arrogant, I've turned into part of what made me hate and fear the church to begin with -- the smug, self-righteous individuals who judge who is and is not spiritual. My parents were judged as not having a Christian marriage because they were not interested in taking group Bible studies or in going on marriage encounters or taking part in other church activities (though they were active in the church in other ways). If I understand correctly, Larry has described such thinking as tribalism, you're one of us or you're not and consequently not worthy.

So, one aspect of my hypocrisy is turning into the sort of person whom I blamed for making church what it is -- controversial, unwelcoming, judgmental.

Another aspect of my hypocrisy is my pride of having studied the Bible. Before I started taking Bible study three years ago I was a Biblical illiterate. I had been embarrassed about this for years before I finally took a Bible study or even tried reading the Bible. However, this did not stop me from judging those who don't study the Bible. I didn't grant them the patience I granted myself.

I took part in a small discussion group through my church last year. This was a mistake and I think the only thing I contributed was negative energy. I joined the group at the request of a priest who was looking for people to join it. I thought maybe I could help him and also learn something myself. What I learned about myself I didn't like. I was smug and judging and dissatisfied because most of the other women had more money than I did, different priorities than mine and thought differently from me. The only one I felt really connected to had been taking a similar Bible study for years.

The nadir of my group experience came from one discussion we had about the difficulty of knowing what was the right thing to do in a certain situation -- I can't remember any of the details. One woman said, "well, didn't Jesus say 'what is truth?'" I was flabbergasted (I don't have a poker face). I said, "that was Pontius Pilate." Of course, in addition to my shock, I felt very self-righteous that I was able to spot this error. The irony is that a little more than a year before this conversation I would have shrugged off the comment and not known the answer. I was either feeling relieved and superior or perhaps unconsciously afraid that I was capable of such a perversion. I haven't even read all the gospels and I'm feeling superior? Upon reflection, I really think my overreaction is my awareness of how little I know and that I will likely make (or have already made) similar mistakes. Perhaps recognizing my hypocrisy and the true feelings that underlie it will teach me humility and meekness.

I've given up taking this particular Bible study. I had a niggling (David's term) that it wasn't good for me and this was crystallized when I met Larry on-line. This is not to lay any responsibility for my decision at Larry's feet (he actually discouraged me from quitting the study), but to thank him for his part in opening my mind. You see, based on the theology underlying that Bible study, I would have to shut out Larry for his low Christology view which would be deemed blasphemy. How can a man who loves Jesus so much that he posts an on-line Bible and commentary be seen this way? It doesn't make sense to me and it was the sign that I couldn't move forward with this Bible study. Since then, I've met wonderful people on-line and my heart has opened to those I meet in person at my church.

Funny thing about the effect that Bible study had on me -- while it taught me so much about the Bible and Jesus and God it also closed me off to those who believed differently than I. I am now coming to the understanding that we are all on our paths and that others are as deserving of respect as I am -- before I felt that the path had to be the certain, prescribed journey approved by a particular dogma.

I am very thankful to the wonderful friends I have here and especially thankful to kwakersaur, David, for bringing us together on this blog to discuss the Bible and spiritual matters. You have filled a void for me. Finally, after months of avoiding it, I've had the desire to start reading the Bible again, I didn't know if the desire would return. It has, though in a different way. I don't study the Bible to know more than the many who don't (which was probably an unconscious motivator before), I read it because it is Life. I'd love to be able to inspire others to read it, but I can accept that it might not be part of their path, now or ever.

Blessings to you all.

Happy Thanksgiving Folks

I'm a Canuck so I've already had my Thanksgiving turkey a month ago. So now its the Uh-murican's turn. Chow down on the turkey and the green bean casserole.

For those of you who want to get reflective about the world and the ways it could be better, here's a link to an article on consumerism at Thanksgiving and through the Christmas season.

Click here.

A Harvest of Righteousness Sown in Peace

Well I've stumbled back from a conference for employment counsellor's -- I'm still not sure I've fully recovered. And I find you folks have clammed right up without me.

So here goes:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be boastful and false to the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, devilish. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.

-- James 3:13-18 (NRSV)

Many spiritual writers speak of the two wisdoms. Earthly prudence and spiritual discernment. Here we see the distinction made and the fruits of them compared. And then comes the last line: And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.

Does that sentence jar you? It doesn't seem to follow from the rest. At least immediately so. I can in my own mind make them follow. But it does seem a jump. Let's look at it in multiple translations. Maybe we have a translation issue:

New Jerusalem. James 3:18 The peace sown by peacemakers brings a harvest of justice.

King Jimmy. James 3:18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

New International. James 3:18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Doesn't solve me trouble.

What if, for James, peacemaking is that list he gives: pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy? Does that work?

Well first off, that doesn't sound much like the peace keeping troops our governments send to places like Iraq or Somalia or Bosnia or Viet Nam or Korea. But hey, I'm a Quaker, you didn't really think I'd be on the side of dropping bombs on people to show them how much we love them.

But then again, this doesn't sound much like the placard waving peaceniks who go on marches and protest government actions in those same countries either. pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.

So just what would scriptural peacemaking look like then? What canst thou say?

No One Can Tame the Tongue

How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue-- a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.

-- James 3:5b-12
(NRSV)

In a way its kind of consoling to know that all the church politics, the gossip, the pettiness, the stupid vicious cruel things that go on in churches and Quaker meetings today were also happening in the earliest days of the Christian faith.

Its also sad we haven't changed much in 2000 years. But at least its evidence we haven't fallen too far from the tree. Yep, we're still Christian: we crucify our ministers. And we are all ministers.

Can we place ourselves in the sandals of those who bless the Lord and Father, and curse those who are made in the likeness of God? Notice James uses the first person plural: we. He includes himself in that injunction.

What is the payoff for blessing the creator and cursing the creation? Power. Control over the community, its direction, the interpretive agenda. Its the old self-will, the me and the mine, in guise of guidance and wisdom.

We do this. We are this. Its we who love our church congregations, love our Quaker meetings, want it to be all it can become, want it to look a lot like us. We want to shape it in our own image. The biblical word for that is idolatry, by the way.

No Free Speech in the Church?

Without wanting to disrupt the ongoing sharing of our faith stories, I also felt the structure of on-going scripture study has been helpful to this discussion. So I'm returning to James. Others can freely post on other matters of course.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For all of us make many mistakes. Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking is perfect, able to keep the whole body in check with a bridle. If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide their whole bodies. Or look at ships: though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!

-- James 3:1-5 (NRSV)

I'm not sure what I can say about this passage. Its sense is so transparent that the words speak for themselves.

The notes to the NRSV look at how James speaks of teachers. He implies he is one of them. He also seems to imply that the office of teacher is a voluntary one. That is to say, it neither appointed nor required. Any are free to do it. But most should choose not to.

James wants teachers to have matured sufficiently to be living blameless lives before they set out to teach. That suggests to me that there were troubles in the Christian faith with teachers living less than blameless lives. And maybe teachers who got themselves into trouble by being too quick to speak.

This seems in accord with early Quaker practice. There is a lovely little book by an early (second generation -- I think) Friend named Samuel Bownas. The book is called A Description of the Qualifications Necessary to a Gospel Minister It provides much good advice.

It is also contrary to the spirit of most Quaker Meetings I'm familiar with. The freedom of the meeting seems to dominate modern Quaker culture. We place ourselves at the mercy of folks who want to talk about their cat, or the colour of rain on autumn leaves. We do so as we trust that sometimes one Friend's cat or the colour of rain on autumn leaves may speak to the condition of the meeting. We also do so as we believe earlier generations were too quick to silence divergent voices.

Somewhere I think there is a middle ground. And for those who take the work of speaking in the gathered assemblies of the faithful, the advices and considerations of both Samuel Bownas and James the Just may offer much help.