For three years I took a fundamentalist Bible study that taught me much and brought me much joy. And yet, I didn't feel authentically me when I was there. I felt I was playing a part. Also, I was tired of trying to find time to do the homework while being home full-time with two young children.
And, of course, I met Larry. Without intending to, I think, he showed me the narrowness of my view. This was both thrilling and terrifying for me, but I knew it was time for me to leave the comfortable confines of the Bible study I had been taking. This blog was born at the same time and it filled the void. I was also active in a Bible study at my church, an Episcopal parish. So my religious background is liberal Protestant. I took a non-denominational but conservative Bible study for three years. I was a bit in conflict with myself. Also, I was becoming a homeschooler and my take on homeschooling is about freedom from the confines of institutional schooling. A collision with my religion was inevitable. How can I reject the confines of school without questioning the confines of church?
Very recently, through my homeschooling friends, I have been invited to join a Women's Circle. Its a spiritual discussion group (for more on Women's Circles, you can read this; however, we're just a group of friends, we aren't affliated with any other group) I attended one session, quit, and have just rejoined the Circle. Why did I quit? A lot of it was logistical (I don't like driving at night), but I think there were shades of fear. I was afraid of leaving the confines of conventional religion. I'm afraid of going to hell. Yes, even though from a fundamentalist perspective, I'm on an express train to hell anyway (being a liberal Protestant whose sect consecrated a gay bishop), the further away I get, the more I worry. It makes no sense.
It made no sense until our Circle discussed chakras. I don't know how familiar you are with them, I am not very familiar. But I took an on-line test and found out that my 6th Chakra, the Third Eye is underactive. From the website:
6 - Third Eye chakra
The Third Eye chakra is about insight and visualisation. When it is open, you have a good intuition. You may tend to fantasize.
If it is under-active, you're not very good at thinking for yourself, and you may tend to rely on authorities. You may be rigid in your thinking, relying on beliefs too much. You might even get confused easily.
I thought that was very astute -- I have known for some time that I rely too much on authorities and I'm frequently saying that I'm confused.
The practices to open this Third Eye involve meditation and I don't know that I'll be doing them, but right now, I am meditating on the idea that I'm too attached to the authority of church doctrine and that it is holding me back.
7 comments:
looks like I have an underactive belly button! (heart and sacral chakras ain't too frisky either)
Hi Marjorie - I'm glad you posted this update.
I don't think you're unusual in seeking to find the religious view that works best for you. You and I have been interested in the same things ... I started out without religion, got interested in eastern teachings in high school - meditation, yoga (and Chakra stuff), and later also new age stuff, which sounds a little like your Circle. I think all that is valid and worthy.
I also worry about going to hell. This may say more about me and how I feel about myself than it says about actual reality or my choice of belief system .... hell may not exist at all, or it might be very different than described, but the idea that there may be a place for people who have not measured up ... well, I think I see myself as that kind of person, so ...
I hope you keep posting here and commenting - don't think you have to toe any specific religious line to be able to do so.
Thanks, Crystal. I have very odd feelings about hell. I don't really believe in the hell thats peddled by traditional Christianity. I think a lot of us experience hell here on earth, through outside circumstances but also through inner circumstances. I really feel that those who judge others as going to hell are actually in hell right now -- what kind of person can look at another and say they are in for that kind of judgment. Seems like they are getting the 'love they neighbor' thing wrong. But then again, they think they are loving their neighbors by pronouncing judgment as an attempt to save them.
Crazy. And yet, a pit of fire does sort of freak me out.
you mentioned yoga, I'll be talking about that, too, so I'll be glad to read your comments on that.
Reading Armstrong on Islam, and in fact this whole blogging enterprise has impressed me with the simultaneity of the world's religion. You can see the same sort of dissensions, varied viewpoints in Buddha that you can in Christianity or Islam.
I believe God is in all of them, providing truth for each of us that addresses our situation and background.
Praise the Lord.
I think yoga is great. One of my favorite books from back then was Autobiography of a Yogi... 200 customer reviews at Amazon :-)
Dear Marjorie,
Thank you for this. You breathe a little new energy into all of us with this.
I have spent a while considering all you have said. Some of this makes me feel sad for you (for the fear of hell that resides in you), and also happy (that you are open to examine your beliefs, and finding an opportunity to do so).
Regarding uncertainty: you write, "I have known for some time that I rely too much on authorities and I'm frequently saying that I'm confused." I don't think this confusion is a bad thing. Another way of looking at confusion is that you admit you don't know. Admitting that you don't know opens you up for accepting truth when it touches you. When we are too set in our beliefs, we close doors to new understanding, and to new insights.
For me, meditation has been such a help on my path, showing me where I'm closing myself, where I'm reacting, and where the possibilties exist for further opening. In this silence spaciousness, simple truths become accesible.
"I am meditating on the idea that I'm too attached to the authority of church doctrine and that it is holding me back." It might be true that anyone else's authority may hold you back. The authority you seek will be found within you. And it will begin to sprout as small seed, and grow, and I predict that as it takes root you will feel an increase sense of stability clarity in your spiritual understanding.
I'm excited for you, my friend. Wonderful openings await you.
Hello Marjorie
When we "switch" religions, it's so hard to tell the difference between the ghosts of our past religious teaching and our living spirit. Most people hide from their ghosts and try to pretend they're not there. Then they become this Jungian shadow thing.
But you're taking them on! Way to go!
Post a Comment